Conversation with Mom

Author: Rajib from Hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh, India

Finally did it…. there is nothing in this world that is impossible. Just a little courage and push from within to do the things just when you want them can get you where you want to be. So, this is how the conversation started:

Me: “Mom, I have something to tell you.”

Mom: “What is it ?”

Me: “I do not want you to talk about me getting married to a girl to anyone.”

Mom: (with a weird look) “Why?”

Me: “I am not attracted to girls and I like boys.”

Mom: “My heart called for this a few weeks ago and I expected this coming. So this is the way you want to destroy your life ?”

Me: “This will not destroy my life but getting married to a girl will. And not only my life, but the girl’s life as well. And if you want to get me married forcefully, then that will end up nowhere but a depressed life and divorce.”

Mom: “If that is the case, then you don’t have to get married ever. If you cannot marry a ‘nari’ [woman] then you cannot marry a ‘purush’ [man]. That’s it. Live alone.”

Me: “But I am not asexual. I like boys and want to get married to a guy and as you always said I need to marry and have kids, so that there is someone to look after you when you are old.”

Mom: “It cannot happen, how will two guys look after each other, both will be old?”

Me: “We can always adopt.”

Mom: (with anger) “No! this will not happen. You have to marry a girl, else no marriage for you.”

Me: “Not possible! What if I fall in love with a boy, with whom I want to live and raise a family?”

Mom: (emotionally) “I was born alone, lived my life alone, your father died at an early age, you were the only hope and now you are also doing these kinds of things. I have no happiness (‘sukh’ is the term she used).”

Me: “I am there for you and I need you to be there for me. You are my strength and if you reject me, then I would have nowhere to go.”

Mom: “I am not leaving you, but just wish you had a better life. So who is this guy who calls you all the time?”

Me: “He is my friend and he likes talking to me.”

Mom: “What’s his name? What does he do? Where does he live? Did he ask you to speak to me about all this?”

Me: “His name is *********, he is ****** by profession and already has a boyfriend and he did not ask me to talk to you about this. Actually, I was trying to talk to you about this for the last few weeks, but could not as I was afraid.”

Mom: “Afraid of what? Why didn’t you tell me when I was trying to get you married last year? Why a sudden change now?”

Me: “I did not change; I was just scared to tell you thinking that I might lose you.”

Mom: (with pride) “I am a strong woman. I did everything on my own and raised you after your Dad. Why would you lose me?”

Me: “I know your anger and thought you would kill me or yourself after you get to know about it.”

Mom: “Never! Why would I kill the one I gave birth to and why the hell would I kill myself. I’ll die naturally and on God’s will.”

Me: “I love you Mom and thank you so much for accepting me for who I am.”

Mom: “Who said I accepted you? I would still want you to get married to a girl.”

Me: “Again the same thing mom? I cannot take it anymore. There have been many instances where people got married due to the pressure from their parents and society and ended up nowhere. “

Mom: “Ok, I wish you a happy life and do whatever you want to.”

After this conversation, I kept on telling her about being queer and also mentioned Wajood, a Hyderabad-based Queer collective. It’s been months now and we are still living together and I hope that she will come around in full support one day.

 

*This story first appeared on orinam.net and is being republished with consent of the author.

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